Escape from the Country – Part 3

Oasis winner 2020

I wake up with a start, ‘what’s happened’ I say, ‘don’t be alarmed sweetie, we are taking good care of you; you’ve had a very long sleep, that’s all. It’s such a shame you missed the summer’. ‘What!’ I exclaim. ‘Yes, it’s October and you’ve been asleep since the March, you fainted at the Oasis meeting. Don’t you remember? Just after you won the parade’. Now that makes sense, I always win the parade, this time wearing my little green dress, with white polka dots and an orange petticoat. The nurse went on, ‘it was such a fab summer, beautifully hot, England won the football, we won so many golds in the Olympics, Trump was impeached and is now in St Quentin, Putin has come out as gay, JK Rawlings has admitted that she is a silly sausage, GRA reform was passed by Parliament, and of course there was the military coup, that replaced silly old Bozza, with Major Captain Sir Tom Moore. Everyone is so much happier now’. ‘What! ` is all I could blither, ‘where am I?’. ‘In the Suffolk Hospital, for respectable ladies of a certain age’. I just can’t take it all in; protesting I say ‘But but I’m in the wrong place’. ‘No you’re not Lilly, you are respectable! Oh by the way, whilst you were asleep, we fixed you down there’. My head was spinning, ‘what about the virus? ‘I ask, `What virus? ` came the reply……..

What is the nature of time? Is it a linear entity ticking away with a regular beat or does it stretch out and squeeze up as events dictate?

Well apparently E=MC2, so that clears up that mystery, thanks Albert. Regardless of the conundrum of time, it does seem amazing that I’m still in France and despite my nice dream, the virus lives on, it’s not so much lockdown but locked in! Life is in stasis yet still the days of week just tick on by, Monday housework, Wednesday shopping and that tradition French favourite, les fish and les chips (yes they really are gender neutral) on Friday. Pickled onions, comment ça s’appelle en français?

So the question most people ask is how are Mum and Lilly getting along? Mum has been brilliant and really likes what I’m wearing and the way I dress. Fortunately, there has been no ‘you’re not going out dressed like that young lady! But similar to most people who have never questioned their gender, or gender identity full stop, Mum doesn’t really get it. Thus far she tolerates this’ whim’ of mine.

Mum told me that she hasn’t ever yearned for a daughter, but in her hour of need, she doesn’t mind me doing the girly things, you know, popping on the rubber gloves (sometimes pink, sometimes blue, occasionally one of each, I like to subvert the gender rules) and sticking my hands down on loo. Like a little Cinders, I’ve done the cooking, washing and cleaning since I’ve been here, like a good daughter would, which I’ve done with love. But, will I ever make it to the ‘Covid Is Over Ball?

As I realised some time ago; Mum now has discovered that Lilly is an unstoppable force. I guess you could call it fait accompli.

How about you Lilly, how are you? Well merci beaucoups thanks for asking. I’m bona darlings. Naturally I miss home terribly, especially as home contains my Lesley, my most amazing wife and life partner.

The hot summer has been brilliant, allowing me to pad around barefoot, wearing the shortest of shorts and a vest top, with my toe nails a pretty peach colour and showing off my gold brown legs. It been fun to experience ‘everyday Lilly’, I could really get use to this.

We remain very serious ‘lockdowners’, only really going out to do the weekly shop and making hospital visits. ‘It’ is still lurking out there and we are still not keen to meet ‘it’. Naturally we are armed to the teeth with masks and sanitiser. Though on several occasions, ‘locked in’ has got to me, and I have broken all my rules and escaped to make a full frontal attack on French clothes shops!

I have found Gemo, the French Primark full of beautiful schmutter, oh what joy. Shares in Primark plummeted at the news of my defection.

At the beginning of the summer, I bought my bijou cream and gold bikini from Gemo, and have been able to wear it frequently in the pool. Some very tasteful bikini shots are available in return for a 50 Franc postal order made out to Mme Newton. Whilst trolling around the shops, I received lots of Madames, which of course would have been Mademoiselle if I’d not been wearing my wedding and engagement rings. I was also very happy with my voice, so don’t be surprised to find me speaking French or affecting a French accent. A poser? Moi! As I’m sure you know by now, wearing a mask plays havoc with your makeup! But oh what fun! A small price to pay.

So what’s the future? Well the next three months I shall remain in France, caring for Mum and then at the beginning of December, we shall drive up to Suffolk and get ready for a lockdown Christmas and New Year, now that is something to really look forward to! Hopefully I will see you all very soon. Blessed are the vaccine makers.




One thought on “Escape from the Country – Part 3

  1. Lilly
    There just has to be a book in there waiting to emerge. Love it. Lipstick on your facemask told a tale on you.

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