I was born and no one noticed the person within.
I looked out on the world through shared eyes at games of war and cowboys and Indians, I wanted to play the Squaw but no one noticed the person within.
My will was not strong enough to break out I was a passenger with no name, the person within.
Time passed and I still looked out at this outer persons world and the games he played with his friends. I wanted to play Cindy dolls with his friends sisters. But they didn’t see me the person within.
The world turned and time moved on. I wanted pretty clothes and my will got a little stronger! I could push my way out temporarily from this Male cocoon and wear female relatives clothes forcing confusion on the outer shell, who didn’t understand the situation anymore than I did because I was still the person within.
I had no name the person within. But through my windows to the world I saw a little girl who lived a few doors up. A sister of the outer shells friend. Her name was Denise! And I thought it such a pretty name that I would become Denise within.
Confusion reigned as my will got stronger little by little and I could exist for short periods of time outside of the Male. But my world remained hidden to the outside world. Still Denise within.
As we grew older I found I could exert my will and command the outer person to buy me clothes but confusion continued and I still remained Denise within.
Societies expectations, girlfriends, wives and children would diminish my will. I would watch helplessly as my cocoon destroyed my things! I was imprisoned forever. Denise within.
Trapped inside I thought I must be the only person in the world who is trapped within, surely now there would be no escape for Denise within.
As time went on three things would change my inner world for ever! The internet, Barbara Ross OBE and Oasis.
I was no longer the only person within! I could emerge and talk with other people like me and have real friends for the first time.
Confusion would still abound, but for the first time I could find a happy life balance with the outer person. He and I could exist together. Like sharing a car and taking turns to do the driving!
A fellow emerging person once told me I was her inspiration! I’m really not sure how? But if these words help inspire others then I’m glad that I am Denise that’s out and the journey has been a struggle but it was worth every step!
Do you have a story to tell? How did Oasis help you? What is your gender journey?
6 thoughts on “Denise’s Story”
Gosh that is and was exactly how I feel. I have only been to one Oasis meeting and that was some time ago. I always read the emails though I am very shy and although everyone was lovely I felt nervous and self conscious When the meeting s restart I will come. Life is too short not to be myself with people that understand. Denise was so close to the mark of my own life and childhood it almost makes me cry. She wrote that beautifully
The longest journey begins with the first step! Be strong and take it. You won’t regret it.
I’m glad my journey may inspire others!
Beautiful sentiments Denise, and much like some of my own experiences, which you will read more of soon, I have only just found your group, and I’m in touch with Beccie who is going to put up a post about my journey quite soon, so we can compare notes, I would love to have your comments
Love and hugs Jay
Thank you, Denise, for sharing your story in a beautiful way. It is a story many of us identify with strongly. Please keep coming to Oasis whenever you can.
With much love from Serena (the person within). X
Thanks Boss lol xxxx
I started as a friend of John. I became a friend of Denise. I do get it wrong sometimes but am given a very stern reminder to “GET IT RIGHT. I still love her though x
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