Julie contacted me early June interested in coming to Oasis. I do hope we will be able to meet her on the “other side” of Covid-19. She wanted to tell her story as an introduction to coming to Oasis.
Lovely to have found you and made contact, my name is Julie, I have been travelling my road now for the best part of fifty years, so I am no spring chicken!, from very early on I knew I didn’t fit in, it was and still is to an extent very difficult to come to terms with, and I am sure all of us can tell a similar story…
I am to all practical intents and purposes an ordinary, fairly well balanced guy, single but with a secure full time job and a home of my own, I have a range of hobbies including singing and playing music, though not that well, I’m a much better and more confident singer than musician, I have even done several open mic nights and been well received, sadly at the moment of course all of that is cancelled, and I am really missing it, but with the extra time I am getting on with other stuff which is demanding my attention at home including fitting out my kitchen
My biggest problem I feel was the conflict within myself, I was only six when I first tried anything on from my sisters old clothes which were in the attic at the time, I could say I resisted the temptation for a long while, but that wouldn’t be true, I seized it with both hands!, it was still just my little secret though, later in school life I had to suppress it, and more so when I found myself at a boys only boarding school!, I discovered then I am not Gay, I won’t go in to detail, he was older, and fortunately for me a nice guy who took no for an answer, we did become friends, and he stuck up for me against some very cruel people, I really missed him when he left, as he had seen something in me other’s didn’t see…
When I left school it was a traumatic time for me for all sorts of reasons I won’t share right now and my real self became submerged again for some time, in my later teen’s and with my own money I ventured over the forbidden threshold once more, I think buying my first pair of panties was one of the most terrifying experiences I had had at the time, now I am very casual about clothes shopping generally, in fact after my first admittedly bad experience, I had no trouble really, no internet options back then but I managed, I live in a village, and my local market town is not very big but I still shopped there, even in the small privately owned lingerie shop we had at the time!
While I’m on that subject, It has come to my notice and I am sure many more of us would agree that the “buying a present gambit” doesn’t fool experienced lady shop assistants, regardless of their age, but if your nice, polite and approach them properly the girls are very happy to help as I am sure they meet a lot like us, and they appear to be very understanding in my experience, or perhaps I have just been lucky!
I think the major turning point for me was when I properly acknowledged my true self, she has a lot more confidence than I did, and I wouldn’t be the person I now am without her, she used to be entirely in the background, but now she has come to the fore I am now much happier, more confident,comfortable and generally a much nicer person to be around, I regret not accepting her sooner, she’s lovely and has opened up my world, I used to really struggle with meeting new people especially socially, I didn’t join clubs or really go out much, now I’m with her I don’t feel so alone, I love meeting people, and take a genuine interest in them, I’m a proper chatterbox, and I belong to three different clubs mainly connected with music, I find work easier to cope with, I am nowhere near as stressed as I used to be, I was like a coiled spring some days!, but now I just sail through most of the time, and I wouldn’t put my genie back in her bottle if I could, the only question remaining is do I live with her, or become her full time, I’m still not sure on that one, but I do know one thing, she’s here to stay and I love her with all my heart….
I am not completely “out” but I’m not in either!, I have not told family or most friends yet, as you don’t want to spoil a long standing friendship, or alienate yourself from your relatives, it’s a difficult choice, and one big reason I am making contact with you all is to gain some perspective from others who are on this difficult journey as well, I am not totally out but it’s not the secret it once was, as one day when out off duty in my usual smarter than average well fitted outfit I happened to run in to three of my younger female colleagues from my current work, I wasn’t sure where to put myself, but decided to brazen it out, smiled and acknowledged the three of them by name and explained I couldn’t stop to chat as I had an appointment with my opticians!, which was actually true I was walking there from my car.
A couple of day’s later I met one of them at work, she gave me a lovely smile and didn’t even mention it, I still work with her, we get on well and often chat, but we haven’t talked about and I have heard nothing more about it from anyone at work, and I’m not the talk of the town either as far as I know!, the only other comment from one of the other lasses I had seen that day was when my rather commodious work trousers were slipping down as I bent over to pick something up, and she suggested without a hint of humour that a ladies cut might suit me better…
I said are you saying I’m curvy?, she said well your not typically male, a truer word never spoken, so at least some of my co-workers know, and possibly more than I realize!
I said above that I am not completely in either, so a few words of explanation are due, although I haven’t been out and about fully made up and in a skirt or dress in public yet, I have been wearing a range of ladies clothes now for years, sometimes with stealth, but in more recent years openly, I think it’s a confidence thing which comes with age and experience, I find I just don’t care that much about what the world thinks about me anymore, also you probably pass with less notice when your over 21!
So I wear ladies trousers, skinny jeans and jegging’s, pretty blouses often in deep colours or with floral prints and embroidery together with a range of smart well fitted jackets or a ladies pullover and appropriate shoes, often ankle boots when out shopping just in my little town, the only comments I generally hear are either positive, I get a lot of smiles, or just politely puzzled, on one occasion in a supermarket a young woman was walking behind me and noticed my boots, she said to her boyfriend he’s wearing ladies boots!, his reply was a classic, he said so, probably just one of those gender benders! I had to smile! and I am laughing till I cry just thinking about it, and it’s at least three years ago now, suffice to say I am a lot more relaxed in the shop nowadays and I haven’t had an off hand comment recently…
Love and hugs Julie
5 thoughts on “Julie’s story”
Wishing you good vibes (and I am sure they will be!) as your journey rolls on. Hope to meet you post covid.
Hi Julie, found it a very good read and can relate to so much of it, the stress issues are exactly like I was but now life is very chilled, look forward to meeting you when all this is over
Hi Julie. You will find a really warm welcome at oasis. We have been supporters now for must be 6 years and really enjoy attending the meetings. Looking forward to getting back again.
Phyllis and Barry Cole
Fabulous, story, well told. Thank you for sharing it. Looking forward to seeing you at Oasis.
Julies story is beautifully written.
Very impressed by her confidence and I relate so much with how she described her journey so far but I think she is much braver than me🙂
Kind regards Gx
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